My Scratch Paper: Head over feet

Monday, December 27, 2010

Head over feet

Have you ever had this feeling of having this great passion for studying? Like you just want to grab a book or an educational journal/magazine and read them from cover to cover and still yearn for more information?

I always have that feeling. Actually, i get that every morning of my life because i'm always (well, i'd like to believe that I am) driven to strive for my best. But wait, don't think of me as the smart-all-knowing student of the class... because i'm the exact opposite. I'm one of those students who nods in class and pretends that i'm interested in the lesson. I doodle on my planner rather than writing down notes. I'm one of the loudest in class and i sit at the back of the room so I can sleep. Yeah, that's pretty much how this semester has been and i'm quite disappointed with myself (duhh? who wouldn't?!). So, what exactly happened to the feeling of wanting to study?...As I've said, i get that feeling every morning but for some weird reason, when i enter the classroom...the feeling just fades away. It sucks, really. Because i expect myself to be a good student everyday but at the end of the day, i just get disappointed with myself. It's like a mood swing...y'know when you're at the height of something then it suddenly falls down and it annoys you because you want to go back but can't. It's tragic. AND IT HAPPENS TO ME EVERYDAY. Imagine trying to start a day off with this feeling of "this is a new day im gonna learn a lot of things" but the moment when you see school, you just wanna run back home.

I really don't know what's happening to meeeeeeeeeeee. I used to love going to school because i love learning new things. I used to love sitting in front of the class and trying my best to listen to the professor no matter how boring the lesson is. I want to be like that again. I want to have that energy and passion to go to school and learn.

Right now I feel like im going nowhere. I feel like a Mercedes-Benz being ignored. I know that i have so much in me and i can do more...i can achieve more.

I need an inspiration or something that will motivate me to start again. I need that passion back.

(I know it's Christmas break and talking about school isn't really a good idea because i'm supposed to relax and chill, but i can't help it! BECAUSE I FEEL SO USELESS AND STUPID.)

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Sharpener

“We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met. But sometimes expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You got to wonder why we cling to our expectations, because the expected is just what keeps us steady. Standing. Still, the expected’s just the beginning, the unexpected is what changes our lives.”

“Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.”

“We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.”